There’s something strange going around in many households with children, and parents are unable to pinpoint the exact problem. If you have kids, especially teenagers, in your house, you must have seen small requests for cleaning their room becoming a 20-minute argument about how it’s unfair to them or why they shouldn’t have to do it.
Instances like these have become increasingly common, but their causal factor isn’t your child’s defiance or uncooperative nature. In this regard, we at Delhi Public School Kota, positioned among the top 5 schools in Kota, believe that these power struggles between parents and children reflect a deeper dynamic where parenting becomes a constant tug-of-war between your need for cooperation and your child’s need for autonomy. The problem isn’t that your child is defiant or that you’re too lenient — it’s the old authoritarian parenting approach that creates the very resistance they’re meant to overcome.
Shifting the parent-child dynamic from a control-based to a connection-based one can help you renew your relationship with your kids. In this relationship, cooperation will flow naturally because your child feels heard, respected, and valued as an individual. If you’re wondering how to embrace parenting without power struggles, the following tips will help you.
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Replace Command with Collaborative Language
The words you choose while talking to your kids can either invite cooperation or trigger resistance. So, always frame your sentences in a way that gets the intended work done without challenging the child’s autonomy.
For example, if you regularly ask your children to ‘Brush your teeth now’ or ‘It’s time to get ready for bed,’ switch to collaborative language like ‘It’s time to go to bed now. Would you like to brush your teeth or put on your nightdress first?’
This subtle change in sentence framing acknowledges your child’s autonomy while gently nudging them to finish the given task without resistance. At Delhi Public School Kota, we have seen that children willingly participate in every task if they feel they have some control over it. Try it out at your home with your kids.
This simple technique removes power struggles because it makes children realise that their preferences matter. Over time, kids internalise this cooperative mindset and begin suggesting solutions and participating in activities themselves.
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Understand the Emotional Needs Behind Resistance
Every power struggle has an emotional undercurrent that’s often invisible to parents. For example, if your 5-year-old refuses to put on their shoes, they’re rarely being defiant to annoy you. They might be feeling rushed, overwhelmed, or simply asserting their growing need for independence.
Looking beyond the behaviour to the underlying need can solve the power struggle problem forever. So, the next time your child acts difficult to deal with, ask yourself, ‘What might my child be feeling right now?’ or ‘What need are they trying to meet through this behaviour?’
If you cannot get any answer, try holding open conversations with your kids when their emotions are stable, and they’re willing to discuss their feelings. It will help you address their emotional needs first, dissolving their emotional resistance to any task. So, always identify and prioritise the emotional needs of your kids for a smooth parenting journey.
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Set Clear Boundaries with Empathy
Some parents have a misconception that boundaries are unhealthy and shouldn’t exist. In reality, they’re essential because they act as guardrails that provide safety and structure to your children’s lives while allowing freedom within limits. We at Delhi Public School Kota have witnessed miracles taking place in parent-child relationships when parents combined firmness with empathy.
Hence, instead of using harsh ultimatums, parents must shift to empathetic limit-setting. This approach validates your child’s feelings while maintaining the essential boundaries. It makes children realise what is expected of them. When you set healthy boundaries, you teach your kids that their feelings matter, even when their behaviour needs to change.
Having said that, we understand that while you might not witness instant results with this technique, raising children with empathetic boundaries will eventually transform them into more self-regulated individuals as they’ve internalised both the limits and the emotional support that makes those limits feel safe.
It will eventually diminish all power struggles from your parent-child relationships, making it a relationship driven by mutual respect, understanding, and unconditional love.
Conclusion
As a parent, no one would want power struggles in their parent-child dynamics because it weakens the bond and strips them of love over a period. Hence, your focus should ideally be on eliminating power struggles with your children and embracing a more collaborative and connected parenting approach.
Parenting without power struggles isn’t about creating perfectly compliant children; it’s about raising thoughtful and confident individuals who choose to cooperate because they feel respected and valued. We at Delhi Public School Kota, one of the top 5 schools in Kota, firmly believe that when there remains no place for power struggles in parenting, it creates a win-win situation for both parents and children. This approach surely requires extreme patience and practice, but the rewards extend far beyond peaceful mornings and bedtime routines. It can solve major behavioural challenges, enabling your children to think critically, solve problems creatively, and consider others’ needs, alongside strengthening their bond with you. An investment worth considering, isn’t it?