Parenting is a rewarding journey but equally demanding, draining, and complex. You may enjoy raising your bundle of joy one day and hate having to manage endless parenting tasks the very next day. While navigating good days is incredibly easy, challenging moments can often press the wrong buttons for some parents. Regardless of the experiences you encounter throughout your parenting journey, you must be mindful of what you say to your kids.
Every word you say to your child stays with them for longer periods and influences their view of themselves. We at Delhi Public School Kota, one of the leading CBSE affiliated schools in Kota, understand that kids can be chaotic, messy, and loud sometimes. As such, it is pretty common for parents to lose their patience. However, no matter what, it is important for parents to refrain from using toxic phrases to punish, control, or school their kids during challenging moments like these. In this blog post below, we have compiled a list of commonly used lines that parents generally tend to say but should ideally stop using for their child’s holistic well-being.
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Stop Crying
If you have kids in your house, you will often find them crying for various reasons. Parents usually try to stop their kids from crying by using the phrase ‘stop crying.’ While it may look harmless, it conveys the message that the kid’s feelings don’t matter. If you often use this phrase, you are unintentionally dismissing your child’s emotions, making them feel invalidated.
Repeated use of this phrase can discourage them from expressing themselves in the future. Hence, we recommend stopping using this phrase and asking them why they’re crying instead. Be calm and ask them, ‘What’s bothering you?’ or ‘Is there something you want to talk about?’ Such alternate phrases are best suited for kids because they show empathy and encourage open communication.
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Your Brother/Sister Never Does That
Parents with two or more kids often compare one with the other regarding academic performance, behavior, mannerisms, etc. While occasional comparison for identifying improvement areas isn’t damaging, repeated comparison is disastrous. If you often use the phrase ‘Your brother/sister never does that’ to school one of your kids, it can harbor feelings of resentment, competition, and inadequacy in your child.
Besides making the child feel miserable and eroding their confidence, it can also damage the bond between siblings. We at Delhi Public School Kota believe a better approach is identifying each child’s unique qualities and strengths and creating a nurturing and incredibly supportive environment for children’s growth. You can also use phrases like ‘Let’s see how we can help each other improve’ or ‘You’re all wonderful in your unique ways.’
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Leave Me Alone
It is one of the most common phrases that parents say during moments of intense pressure, anger, or sadness. While parents may say ‘Leave me alone’ to get some alone time for composing and calming their thoughts, kids may take it negatively. This phrase can make them feel isolated, misunderstood, and unloved.
They may start believing they’re the sole reason for their parent’s anger or sadness. Such experiences can discourage children from freely expressing their needs in the future. So, the next time your kids come to you during stressful situations, don’t say, ‘Leave me alone.’ Instead, ask them, ‘Do you want to talk about something?’ or ‘We will talk about it later today.’ These lines show that you care for your children and are willing to listen to them.
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You Have No Reason to be Upset
There’s a misconception that all children have a worry-free life, and they have nothing to be upset about. In reality, today’s children are the most pressurized and burdened. From achieving academic success to maintaining a great social life, learning multiple skills to excelling in extracurricular activities—kids have a lot on their plate. Juggling multiple things can be challenging and may often leave them feeling upset. If you frequently tell them, ‘You have no reason to be upset,’ you’re unknowingly invalidating their feelings and struggles.
Repeated usage of this phrase can make them feel unheard and erode their self-worth, confidence, and the need to express their emotions. Over a period, this can compound into severe mental health challenges, affecting their life quality as well. Hence, stop using this phrase immediately and start using lines that validate your kid’s feelings. You can say, ‘I understand you’re feeling upset, and it’s ok to feel this way.’ Then, offer them guidance so they know they’re valued and loved and their emotions matter.
Conclusion
It is common to see parents saying some ‘not-so-good’ statements to their children in a fit of rage or out of stress, unaware of the long-term effects it can have on them. While this may look normal on a superficial level, it can impact children negatively. Thus, in this blog post today, we at Delhi Public School Kota, one of the well-known CBSE affiliated schools in Kota, have listed a few of the commonly used toxic phrases so that you can start avoiding them. We would, however, like to advise parents to make a list of all the common phrases you use to communicate with your kids when in anger and then analyze whether the phrases are affecting the child’s self-esteem, confidence, relationship, ability to express themselves, etc. If yes, remove those phrases instantly and look for better phrases that exhibit empathy, compassion, and care. Trust us, this small change can help transform your child’s life in ways you never imagined.